I promise that there will be a part where I change the nominees in this article, hence the word "fixes" in the title.  I read part 1 and it just looks like a standard article where a self important asshole picks winners.  I don't really know if I could have made it more dull, unless I added a little description of how the film made me feel inside next to each one.  Lets pick up the pace and get back to the nominees.....

Actress In a Leading Role

I watched The Blind Side.  It was shit.  There was not 1 single second of brilliance in that movie.  About halfway through I started to hope that it would turn into Wolverine Origins, or Epic Movie.  As a matter of fact, this fucking movie looks like one of those horrible parody movies.  If they weren't serious The Blind Side would have been genius.  Sandra Bullock just played a southern cunt.  I felt like I was sitting in a meeting between Sara Palin and the annoying cashier at a rural gas station that hasn't seen a customer in an hour.  I hated that character, and I hated Sandra Bullock for agreeing to play her.

I also saw An Education so I can say that I thought that Carey Mulligan was really good.  I am going to say that she should win the Academy Award, but Precious should win the award for most likely to never work in acting again.

Actor In a Supporting Role.

Here is where I fix the Oscars.  Matt Damon should be nominated, but for The Informant.  That movie was really great.  He would be the guy that I pick to win this one, if he wasn't nominated for Invictus.  I don't want to sit around watching a movie about a sport that looks stupid and homoerotic.  I don't understand rugby, and it looks stupid.

Christoph Waltz is my pick, he was one of my favorite movie villains of all time.  Heath Ledger was a great villain in The Dark Knight, which, upon further consideration, is a stupid movie.  Christoph Waltz was a great villain in a great movie.  Which is harder to do.  So suck it Heath Ledger.

Actor in a Leading Role

I don't understand why The Academy is so fucking obsessed with Invictus.  Morgan Freeman played Mandela and I am sure it was electrifying. 

Sam Rockwell should have replaced Morgan Freeman, I mean I'm sure Morgan Freeman was really good in that movie, but Sam Rockwell was fucking AMAZING in Moon.  It was a genius performance by a great actor.

George Clooney played a charming good looking guy who traveled a lot.  It was a good enough movie, but it just didn't seem like a stretch.

Jeff Bridges was fucking awesome in Crazy Heart.  I want him to win, and it looks like he will.  I just wish he would have buttoned his pants and wore a shirt more.  That character was a piece of shit, and if there is one thing I identify with, it is people who are pieces of shit.

Best Picture

Avatar was stupid.  I know why it was nominated, it looked really cool, but I am hoping that The Academy only saw it in 2-d so that all of the wonder of the special effects just look like a stupid cartoon with blue people.  

Here is where I make my first change.  Put The Informant in the place of The Blind Side.  It wouldn't have won, but it is a million times better than The Blind Side.  They only put The Blind Side in so that hayseeds and soccer moms will watch the show to see if their inspiring movie wins

Another switch happens with the grossly overrated District 9.  I know that people liked it, but they won't admit that it was kind of stupid.  The first 20 minutes, when it was still documentary style, was really interesting.  When that ended, and it turned into a retarded shoot em up movie, it was dumb.  If they were trying to show that an alien invasion would be kind of dull they did the message a great disservice by including giant robot suits and laser guns.  I would have rather seen Moon or Star Trek in this spot.  If they wanted a sci-fi movie, either one of those was much better.  

I am also tired of being told that District 9 was good because of the budget.  I don't give a fuck how much the movie costs.  I want to see a good film, not an expensive film.  Acting like a movie is good because it was cheap is like acting that my wife's 79 Nova was a great car because it only cost $500.00 and she got a year out of it.  

Another problem is Up.  Why did they put it up for best picture and best cartoon?  It seems like there is a category for cartoons and that would be a good place for Up.

I think I have hit all of the other films in previous categories, except for A Serious Man.  I loved that film, it was funny, and well acted.  It was also cheap to make, so according to the law of District 9, that gives it another feather in its cap.  I wouldn't mind if it won, but it won't.

My pick was made in August.  I am a huge fan of Inglorious Basterds.  I thought it was a perfect movie.  Quentin Tarentino is probably my favorite filmmaker.  I think I look at his movies like Star Wars fans look at George Lucas's movies.  Except for the fact that I am not overly critical.  I feel like I can sit down and go along for the ride in his movies.  I hope Basterds wins.

I am sure that they will give Best Picture to Avatar or The Hurt Locker.  Avatar is a shit heap, and The Hurt Locker was a pretty good movie.  I don't think I would be mad if The Hurt Locker won.  

So that is my Oscar article.  It wasn't that funny, but I guess it was something.